| The heart feels what the eyes cant see ..and what the mind will never understand |
[01/06/05 @ 2:38am] |
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 depressed |
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Nothing. |
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It`s gone. It`s all fucking gone. It`s all my fault. All because of me. I will never get to have talks with you for hours. I will never get to cry on your shoulder again. You will never be there to make me laugh ever again. I let one fucking thing stand in the way. I hate myself for it. How can I let you slip away so fast? Why did I just give up on you like that? You said you wanted to remain my friend. I fucked it up because I was mad. I fucked it up because of something I thought. All because I was selfish. I didn`t get what I wanted. SO, I didn`t fucking care about anything else. I just wanted love. I was wrong. All wrong. Now I suffer. All alone. Without my best friend. Your gone forever. I'll never get another chance to speak with you ever again. I don`t deserve your friendship. I don`t even deserve for you to look at me again. I`d be lucky if you even read my letter. Which in fact will probably come as a huge joke to you. That`s what I thought your break up note was just a big fucking joke. Now you`ve got the last laugh. Well ha fucking ha. For once I gained the courage to just..throw someone out of my life. Now I want it all back, but your too smart. Your fine without me. You don`t need me. That`s why your such a beautiful person. You don`t depend on anyone for your happiness like me. It just hurts so damn bad that i`ve lost you. They say you never realize what you have until you loose it all. I may have not lost you physically, but i`ve lost you mentally. It hurts so damn bad. Not like a boy breaking your heart. It`s the heart break of losing a best friend. Boyfriends come and go. But best friends, are hard to find. I ruined that because I wanted to jump into something. You were meant to be my best friend. Not my boyfriend. But, oh look it`s too late now. You`ve made your descision. By the way. Happy belated Birthday. Even though you'll never see this. I love you. Even though you'll never know that either. Have a great life. Mine will be swell.
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| Happy chismuhannuhkwanzuhkuh !! |
[12/25/04 @ 1:23pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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suqar 0on mii t0unque !! |
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Merry Christmas..everyone..eh, I dunno. My mom is crying,I miss my brother.I feel helpless.I dont know how to make her better.I guess all we can do is be grateful for what we have.It`s about time I look at it in that perspective. It`s just different. It`s the second year i`ve spent Christmas with no family but my mom, dad, and, brother. Now this year is the first year without my brother. I hope everyone is having a very Merry Christmas. Use this time to be grateful for things you`ve got. As for New Years my only resolution is too be a better person. Be more positive. Just live life to the fullest because you never know when it'll end. Life is too short but, my lifetime goal is to learn how to cope with things and stop dwelling on past mistakes, and letting everything rewind in my head and play over and over again. Because things could be much worse. The past is the past, only thing I can do is learn from past mistakes. and strive for a more positive aspect on life.
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| Soooo sad !! |
[12/10/04 @ 12:48am] |
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 sympathetic |
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T.V |
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R.I. P "Dimebag" Darrel Abbot !!
1966-2004
You`re a fucking legend, and never will you be forgotten!!
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[04/29/04 @ 11:29pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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Godsmack-Bad religon |
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I have a fever -sniffle-
My friend Eric looks like the lead singer of Godsmack.
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[04/07/04 @ 11:53pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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Porn |
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Today was really fun.
I got out of bed really early because I had terrible stomach cramps.
I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.
I'm so stoned.
Last night I had to masturbate twenty times. I'm so horny. Click here to see my website.
I want to tell the world that I'm gay.
I am making this journal Friends Only because of the perverts and stalkers who only want to see my photos.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's some photos of my girlfriend in the nude (but don't tell her that I've posted them here - she'll kill me! Har har.)
I want to say thanks to simon and Abbey and Dave and the other Simon for helping me on Saturday. You guys are the best. By the way, if you happen to find my wallet, keys or underwear, could you SMS me? Adrian has my number.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have bipolar disorder, which makes me different enough to be interesting, but the same as all the other cool people with bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with some naked photos of myself. (Not safe for work - teehee).
Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Actually, i just wanted to tell you that your a moron if you thought this was a real entry.
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| Fuck you! >. |
[03/27/04 @ 11:09pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Opeth- Still day beneath the sun |
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I'm bored.Bye.
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| YAY SIS! |
[03/09/04 @ 8:01pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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Black Label society- no more tears |
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Kristen is my sister and my new buddy yay i love you Kristen -hugs- XD
So when are we getting married kristen?
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| Grr |
[03/07/04 @ 10:02pm] |
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 blank |
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Nothing. |
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Man it seems like everyone is so depressed today..and lately for that matter..today was like sooo dead i had about 5 people ask me why everyone seemed so depressed today...eh maybe it's cause it's a sunday i dunno..it's weird..i hate it i wish everyone was happy. I hate being on anti depressants i feel dumb i feel like it's a phony way of being happy i wish i could just be happy on my own.I know there's people much worse off then me but, i don't care we all take things in differently and i am a very sensative person..whatever, this is dumb. bye. expressing feelings is a waste of god damn time.
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| gay poem |
[03/04/04 @ 8:13pm] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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green day-when i come around |
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I christina actually wrote a positive poem..
but...
i had no choice..lol.
well here it is..it's mad corny
Things will get better i know this is true.
You won't feel so bad and become so blue.
Look through the eyes of the ones who care.
Send your heart, your thoughts and this love to share.
We all know things are rough.
Just tell yourself it won't always be tough.
When your feeling down and want to die.
When you feel your only escape is to cry.
When you feel you have all to lose and nothing to gain.
It won't be long before you become sane.
Believing is the power.
Even if it's just for one hour.
Where theres a will theres a way.
Where theres a bad day theres a good day.
So when your feeling crappy.
Remember you hold the power to become happy.
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| grrr another doctor visit! |
[03/04/04 @ 1:48pm] |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Cosby Show |
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Jay i had to go to the doctor i stayed home today i had another headache he wants me to go back grrr >.< well i'm leaving in a little bit so i dunno if i'll be on when you get on but i'll be on as soon as i get home talk to you soon <333
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| ha..i dunno i was bored |
[03/03/04 @ 3:49pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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Korn- lies |
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I'm a porno creep and i got the life oh god i got an ass itch. I'm here to stay living in my hollow life alone i break and you just tear me down, i'm so sick of your lies now i'm so lost and your falling away from me, but your just too blind clown.Hating you so wicked and you soon shall be dead. Faggot.
TheLeThaLDoSE50: what the fuck
WaYBeYoNDEMpTYx: i was making a story out of korn songs!
TheLeThaLDoSE50: that was awesome
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| Mother fucking fucker fuck |
[03/03/04 @ 3:16pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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oh shut the hell up already you ass pirate |
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I'm in one of my i feel like being by myself moods..and i really don't wanna talk to anyone, but it's okay..i want my dad to go away..him being home is annoying me.There is nothing to eat in my house..my second annoyance and probably more to come my way..like my moms stupid fucking note asking me to clean the bathroom and my room..my room isn't a mess so she needs to shut the fuck up and it's her fucking house she can clean the bathroom up instead of sitting on her fat lazy ass even though she's not fat when she gets home from work she talks about me being on the computer all the time what about when she's glued to the t.v with drool nearly hanging out of her mouth that i'd probably have to pry her ass off the god damn t.v. Parents are so fucking annoying i swear to god. so are people. shut up you annoy me
I don't feel like commenting on anyones journal.oh well. i will when i'm in a better mood. until then, deal with it.
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[03/01/04 @ 3:58pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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The fugees-electric avenue |
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Monday, March 1, 2004 is SI Awareness Day.
© show some heart ©
| | | | | | | Self-Injury: You are NOT the only one. |
Monday, March 1, 2004 is SI Awareness Day.
"We are male and female. We are artists, athletes, students, and business owners. We have depression, DID, PTSD, eating disorders, borderline personalities, bipolar disorder, or maybe no diagnosis at all. Some of us were abused, some were not. We are straight, bi, and gay. We come from all walks of life and can be any age. We are every single race or religion that you can possibly think of. Our common link is this: We are in pain. We self-injure. And we are not freaks."
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| o.o it's 12:30 and i'm still up |
[03/01/04 @ 12:22am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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Jay |
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I haven't updated or commented in a while..i'm lazy sorry guysss >_>, i will start updating and commenting though like tomorrow i promise!! okay i need to go to sleep it's like 12:30 guten nacht
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| hmmm.. |
[02/27/04 @ 2:33pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
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music |
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Fuel-Shimmer |
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Well, i finally got put on some medication..zoloft.
uhm wednesday i went to the doctor and they told me i needed to get some blood work because i could have thyroid problems and i had to come back the next day to go over the results and determine what medication i should be put on or if any needed at all. I have social anxiety disorder also. He said it will take a while to actually start working like a week or two which makes a lot of sense, but i'm just happy that i finally got something to help this because i can't do it on my own it's messing me up in every way possible, health and shit, my period is over a week late and it's never ever late..it's gotta be due to stress and all this other bull shit. I've been trying to eat better because i know that eating the way i usually do is bad for me but when i do eat..i eat a lot of course depending on if i like what i'm eating or not..anyways..i'm so glad it's friday i only went to school 2 days this week, and today was an early out, got out at 12 nice and easy week. Did i make up work? no..will i? probably not..oh well..yeah well i figured i'd update since i haven't in a while, Bye.
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| I WANT 2,000 RECIEVED COMMENTS! |
[02/24/04 @ 1:47pm] |
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depressed |
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The Cosby show |
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I stayed home from school today again, i'm uber depressed, i dunno what i'm going to do anymore neither do my parents but -sigh- i just don't know
I WANT TO RECIEVE 2,000 COMMENTS!!
HELP MEEEEEE PLEASEEEE -puppy face- o.o
The cosby show is the shiznit yo.
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| mmmmm chocolate XD |
[02/23/04 @ 3:00pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
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music |
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Black Label Society- Mother Mary |
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I don't get why people who don't know me..like to start shit with me and then people who hate me, turn people against me? it's quite funny. but, i can't help but get mad and tell them off and that's what they want to happen, it's so gay >.
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